The Dream

Here’s a new short story I wrote. Not EXACTLY Horror.

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The dream always starts the same.

I’m walking up stairs carved into a mountainside. The uneven stone steps, cracked and half-eaten by grass and dirt, stretch up as far as I can see. Looking back, they stretch around a bend, the walls of the mountain blocking my view of anything but sky.

In the dream, I know what awaits me at the top. What I’m climbing toward. But when I wake up, I can never remember what it is, or why it’s so important that I get there.

The sky above me is almost as grey as the mountain, streaked with white and blotchy with dark blue. I can’t tell where the sun is. If there is a sun.

I walk on and on. Never slowing. Never tiring. Never running short on breath. I can, and will, climb this mountain forever, until I reach what I’m moving toward.

Eventually, I can see the top, Far above and ahead. Seeing my destination doesn’t make me slow my step, but it doesn’t make me climb faster. I just continue on. The fact that I will reach it is accepted, almost fatalistically.

How long have I been climbing? If there is any such thing as time, here, I can’t tell it. I might have been climbing forever, or for an hour. All that I know is that I’m almost done.

Here, the dream differs. Sometimes my entire jaw aches, and I realize I’ve been grinding my teeth. Sometimes, I feel a biting pain in my hands, and realize my fingernails have broken the skin. It’s never until these moments that I realize I’m afraid.

Whatever’s at the top, whatever I don’t remember, scares me.

Last night, I was closer to the top than ever before. My eyes could almost see over the top step. I could almost tell what awaited me.

I heard a familiar voice behind and below me. Awake, I can’t tell you who it was. Someone important to me. Someone I’d trust with my life. I can’t turn and see. I can only keep moving forward.

I can’t say who it is, but I remember what they were saying. They were screaming for me to stop. Pleading for me to stop.

Jaw aching, dripping blood, I keep climbing.

I’m almost at the top.

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The Diner: Post Eleven (Scene Three)

This scene covers Liam’s call with the mysterious Ron, and finally gets Liam into the diner (Bar & Grill, but who’s counting?) and at gunpoint.

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As Liam talks on the phone, people trickle in and out of the diner. Attire ranges from leather and denim to business suits, and in the case of one figure entering, a bright blue jacket.

 

RON (V.O.)

Hey! On lunch, I take it?

LIAM

Nope. I’ve decided that all new patients should talk to my old sponsor as a character reference. Who better, right?

RON (V.O.)

Great! In fact, why don’t we call up all the regulars at the meetings and make it a conference call?

LIAM

Sounds like fun!

RON (V.O.)

I’m not going to take up your break. I just wanted to know whether you’re coming tonight. You didn’t make it last week…

 

Liam paces.  He starts to speak several times before he actually gets the words out. For the first time, we see Liam stressed.

 

LIAM

I’m not going anymore. Look, I don’t think it’s doing anything for me. It’s time for me to move on.

RON (V.O.)

That’s your decision, obviously. But you know what people who relapse, after years, have in common? They quit going to meetings.

LIAM

Everyone who stays clean keeps going to meetings? For the rest of their lives?

RON (V.O.)

Of course not. But not attending doesn’t help.

LIAM

And lying to my wife helps?

RON (V.O.)

That’s why you’re quitting?

LIAM

I’m sick of lying every time she asks a question about it. Looking up movie reviews to fake my way through conversation at the end of the night? It’s pathetic.

RON (V.O.)

If you’re tired of lying to her, then don’t.

LIAM

You think I haven’t thought about it? You think I want to lie? If Paige finds out, she’s gone. Colin? Gone. Let alone my work finding out.

RON (V.O.)

You don’t sound like someone who’s past it.

LIAM

It’s there every time I look over my shoulder.

RON (V.O.)

You’re not past it. You’re trying to hide from it.

LIAM

Yes, I’m hiding! Should I move to a different country? Steal some dead guy’s identity? Grow a mustache? What do I need to do to be done with this?

RON (V.O.)

As long as you’re hiding from it, it owns you.

LIAM

Nothing owns me.

RON (V.O.)

Hiding doesn’t help, and neither will quitting. The lies you tell will change, but you’ll still be lying.

LIAM

We’ll talk about it later.

RON (V.O.)

If you come tonight, we can hash it out.

LIAM

I’ll think about it. Talk to you later.

RON (V.O.)

See you then.

 

Liam hangs up and puts the phone in his pocket. A deep breath calms him visibly, but he’s still not smiling as he heads to the door of Suzie’s Bar & Grill.

 

INT. SUZIE’S BAR & GRILL – DAY

 

The tables are arranged like a checkerboard. Full tables cluster near the middle of the room and empty tables scatter against the walls. Large flat-screens on the walls follow sports. ADRIAN buses food and drinks like a harried honeybee, and FRANK, behind the bar, tries to keep up with orders. The bar-and-grill is humming with conversation and TV chatter and sizzling with cooking food. A large clock on the wall behind the bar says it’s 11:57.

 

SUZIE looks like a woman that can run a busy downtown bar and grill with minimal staff and not have problems. She fixes drinks at the bar, friendly but gruff.

 

LIAM

What’s good today?

SUZIE

Same thing that was good yesterday! And the day before that. And–

LIAM

Aren’t little hole-in-the-wall places supposed to have daily specials?

SUZIE

There’s your problem. This isn’t a hole-in-the-wall. This is a mom-and-pop. We have one special.

LIAM

You’re the mom? Your kid’s friends are extra-polite when they’re at your house, I bet.

SUZIE

Is that a compliment?

LIAM

Does that make Frank the pop?

SUZIE

That’s it. I’m guessing you weren’t really asking about the food. I’ll tell Frank to fix the usual?

LIAM

You know me so well. I’ll be in the corner.

Liam points to a table against the wall with a buffer of empty seats.

SUZIE

Wallflower Special, coming right up! Adrian will be over in a bit.

 

Taking the seat he’d indicated, Liam watches the world outside the window as he waits for his food. Before long, the FIGURE IN THE BLUE JACKET sits down on the opposite side. TERESA is middle-aged, lively, and smiling. Her clothes and speech say wealthy and well-educated. Not the kind of woman you’d expect to commit violent crime at an inner-city bar-and-grill.

LIAM

This table’s taken. There’s plenty of other…

 

Liam’s words cut short as Teresa lifts her jacket to give him a glimpse of an ill-fitting shoulder-strap gun holster, a Ruger semi-automatic in place.

 

TERESA

You seem to be having a tough day, Liam. So I’m sorry to say I have more bad news for you.

LIAM (in shock)

What?

TERESA

At one o’clock, I’m going to pull this out and blow your head off.

LIAM

Is this a joke?

TERESA

Do you hear me? What did I say?

LIAM

You said…You said you’re going to kill me.

TERESA

No, I said I’m going to blow your head off. Nothing you do or say is going to change that.

LIAM

Why would you–

TERESA

Whether I tell you why I’m killing you, whether I let you say goodbye to your family, that depends on our conversation between now and one.

 

Sinking back in his seat, Liam looks to the clock behind the bar. The minute changes from 11:59 to 12:00.

———————————-

Now we’re in! What do you think? Was Ron who you expected? Is Teresa threatening? Is Suzie’s more of a hole-in-the-wall or a mom-and-pop? I think it’s a grease joint, myself.

The next part will establish the dynamic between Liam and Teresa, and will get some of Liam’s obviously-wrong assumptions out of the way.

“The Defenders” Review

I’ve watched each Netflix Marvel series as it was released, all the way from Daredevil’s season one. I stand with the majority opinion on all of them: both seasons of Daredevil were awesome, Jessica Jones disappointed, The first half of Luke Cage was outstanding (and the second half was lackluster), and Iron Fist was a DISASTER.

 

To say I started The Defenders with mixed expectations is an understatement. And the series provided more or less what I expected (with a few big exceptions that I’ll tackle in the spoiler section).

 

First, the good. The team-up does service to each character individually. Some people say that the first couple of episodes were slow, but I found them interesting because they did a great job showing how each hero got involved in the central conflict. Each character brings their baggage into the group. Some are reluctant to join up; others outright refuse.

 

The dynamics between each set of heroes is treated differently, and the best part of the series to me was watching them pair up in different ways and what happens when they do. It even hints in places why each character needs the others in their life, something that the Avengers doesn’t really do.

 

Charlie Cox is by far the best part of the show. He gives the best performance in whatever scene he’s in. It’s as if he’s never stopped being Matt Murdock. This is a performance that should continue forever, that should win awards.

 

Sigourney Weaver does a great job. Some of her small expressions speak volumes; as I watch her, I continually wonder why she’s not all over the place in Hollywood and on TV.

 

A lot of characters from each individual series return. They don’t hesitate to give these characters important parts in the plot, significant character development, or sometimes gruesome deaths.

 

Most of the action is decent. Nowhere near Daredevil’s perfection, but not as sloppy as Iron Fist.

 

Now the bad.

 

The basic plot is decent, but it’s executed lazily. A mystery that’s hinted at for so long that by the time the reveal happens, we don’t care. The threat to the city is vague for most of the series, which makes the driving tension sputter. Characters are sometimes driven by the needs of the plot rather than internal motivations. Some of the lazy writing in the last couple of episodes made my jaw drop.

 

It’s very easy to split the show up into “These two episodes are about this, and these two are about that, and…”, which goes back to a lack of complexity in the writing.

 

While most of the action was competent, a couple of fights had so much shaky-cam and quick-cuts I couldn’t tell what was happening.

 

Finn Jones has improved a bit since Iron Fist, but that’s not saying much. He still spends much of the series reminding me of Mr. Furious from Mystery Men.

 

And last, it feels like we’ve moved completely into a comic book universe. Similar to Gotham, whose first season felt like a crime procedural with the occasional supervillain, and the second felt like a comic book show from Gordon’s perspective. (Or similar to the second half of Luke Cage, which transitioned from a gritty crime drama to a comic book show.) It loses something unique to the Netflix Marvel shows in the process.

 

The Defenders is worth watching for anybody who’s into the Netflix Marvel shows. It falls solidly beneath the Daredevil seasons in quality. If you’re not already into these shows, I’d suggest you start with Daredevil, which remains some of the best “television” I’ve ever seen.

 

SPOILERS BELOW!

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The MAIN main problem, since we’re talking spoilers, is that the entire series is about the Iron Fist being a liability. If he had made a strong showing in his own series, this wouldn’t be a problem. As it is, this takes an already-annoying character and forces us to ask why they want him in their group. Which we should NOT be asking about a character whose main purpose is fighting the villains they’re currently dealing with! I’m not saying that I agreed with Stick’s idea… (though I was surprised that option three hadn’t occurred to anyone else before then?)

 

I did love Luke Cage smacking Danny down about his privilege. It ultimately doesn’t come back up after that episode, but exploring those themes would make Iron Fist more interesting.

 

Elektra had nice character progression throughout much of the series–even if amnesia as a plot device needs to burn in a fire. But then she makes the heel-turn, from Dragon to Big Bad. Uh, writers? You know the difference between a twist and a slap in the face, right? Ask Shyamalan if you’re confused. You need to hint at this. You presented “she’s struggling over what the moral choice is”, when you needed to bring back “she likes killing, and that’s scary”.

 

And then–THEN! Daredevil trying to convince Elektra. Three problems with that. One, you’ve shown her radical descent into mustache-twirling villainy. We don’t care anymore. Two, he struggled with this for a whole season before, and has had eight more episodes to deal with this. WE DON’T CARE ANYMORE. And Three, you’ve established that anyone at the bottom of that hole is dead when the bombs go off. So who cares whether he convinces her? They’re both dead literally within moments. He’s dying for literally no reason.

 

Oh, and then Daredevil surviving? When next we see him, I expect Doctor Strange-level magic at work. And I still call shenanigans. Plus, it adds to the “pointless” part from above.

 

Lastly, all the legal troubles go away. I understand they wanted A) the Hand still exists and wants to cover up what really happened, or B) Hogarth is just THAT good. But here’s the thing: DESTRUCTION OF POLICE PROPERTY. OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE. Let’s leave out DOMESTIC TERRORISM, because the only person who knows for a fact that they’re the ones that planted the bombs (Misty Knight) is on their side now. Still, that’s what, 15 years worth of felonies that there’s hard evidence for? And kidnapping, since Matt isn’t going to show up to take responsibility for his part. You don’t sell “Wow, it went away! That’s weird/creepy/ominous” well enough for it to feel like something other than lazy writing.

 

The Diner: Post Ten (Scene Two)

(I just noticed that my blog hates the screenplay formatting I’ve been doing. I’ve already been manually re-aligning dialogue to center. I’ll see if I can work out the rest of the issues by the next post.)

This second scene needs to give us a much deeper, more nuanced look at Liam. It has to strike a balance between hinting at his past, showing some of his home life, and reinforcing his work. I’m introducing his wife here, and hopefully making the audience like and care about her in just a few minutes.

It also has to bridge the gap between his work and the diner, so that as the scene ends, we’re about ready to start the main part of the screenplay. And it can’t clock in at much over five minutes.

Let’s see how I do!

————————————–

INT. OUTPATIENT REHAB, FRONT DESK – DAY

A small, welcoming front office, empty of patients for the lunch hour. BIANCA, a receptionist in her mid-twenties, sits behind the desk, reading a book. Liam enters from a door leading to the patient rooms.

LIAM

Ted make it out ok?

BIANCA

Yeah. His son picked him up. He was growling the whole time that you made him walk the bars twice.

LIAM

Sounds like him. What did his son say?

BIANCA

That you should have made him walk them ten times.

LIAM

So I’m not going to get sued for doing my job too well.

BIANCA

That’s usually what people get sued for, but not this time. You got lucky. Just try to be a bit less awesome next time.

LIAM

I’ll try!

 

Liam checks the time on his phone. C.U. on phone shows 11:49.

 

LIAM

My next appointment isn’t until like 1:30?

BIANCA

Taking a long lunch?

LIAM

You know how it is. Make a few calls, have a smoke, have a drink. Suddenly the whole lunch hour is gone!

BIANCA

You don’t smoke.

LIAM

I might.

BIANCA

And you don’t drink.

 

Liam’s phone rings, and he checks it. C.U. reveals a picture of a smiling woman in her mid-thirties and the name PAIGE.

 

LIAM

And I don’t talk on the phone?

 

With a laugh, Liam turns to leave, answering the phone.

 

BIANCA (O.S)

Tell her I said hi!

Liam waves bye, raising his phone as he steps out…

 

EXT. DOWNTOWN CITY STREET – DAY

 

…onto a crowded sidewalk. A lot of traffic, tall buildings, one-way streets. It could be any U.S. city. Liam starts walking as if he’s traveled the route a thousand times. Several times along the way, we see flashes of someone in a blue jacket in the background.

 

LIAM

Bianca says hi.

PAIGE (V.O.)

Hi, back! You out to lunch yet?

LIAM

Yeah. She’ll have to wait to get her ‘hi, back’. How’s your day, gorgeous?

PAIGE (V.O.)

Pretty good. Today was the Skype conference. So of course, Colin got bored with his cartoon time–

LIAM

Bored? With cartoons?

PAIGE (V.O.)

That’s what I thought! And he decided to come over and see what Mommy was doing.

LIAM

Luckily he’s as charming as I am.

PAIGE (V.O.)

More! Everyone thought he was adorable. But still…

LIAM

It’s about time to start looking for daycare for him?

PAIGE (V.O.)

I don’t know. I’d love to actually get work done. And we haven’t both had a night away in months.

LIAM

My mom keeps offering!

PAIGE (V.O.)

Yes. Yes, she does.

LIAM

(beat) Still, we don’t want him to start calling us by our first names. Mom and Dad has such a ring to it.

PAIGE (V.O.)

Yes! We’ll talk about it later. Speaking of having a night away, it’s Thursday. Are you still doing movie night with Ron?

Liam’s smile slips. His voice stays casual.

 

LIAM

Did he call you about me missing last week?

PAIGE (V.O.)

No, I just wondered.

LIAM

I think I’m going to stay home from now on. Spend more time with you and Colin.

PAIGE (V.O.)

Are you sure?

LIAM

Yeah. He can come over and we’ll watch something on Netflix if he gets lonely. Don’t worry, you can keep your Saturdays!

PAIGE (V.O.)

Oh, I know I can keep my Saturdays.

LIAM

I mean, I’d hate for you to miss book club. Or is that wine club?

 

Paige laughs.

 

PAIGE (V.O.)

It’s mind-your-own-business club.

LIAM

I don’t think I’d like that club.

PAIGE (V.O.)

It’s a lot of fun. You should try it. (beat) How was your morning?

LIAM

Not bad. I’ve got a patient who doesn’t do his stretches and then complains he’s not getting better.

PAIGE (V.O.)

Isn’t that every patient?

LIAM

Not all of them are a pain in the ass like this one. I don’t think he wants to get better.

PAIGE (V.O.)

That’s a leap.

LIAM

Who’s the physical therapist?

PAIGE (V.O.)

All right! So what makes you think that?

LIAM

This guy is no stranger to exercise. Other than his leg, I bet he could outrun me. And he doesn’t strike me as lacking in discipline, either. If he set his mind to it, he’d be walking around already, pain or no, weakness or no.

PAIGE (V.O.)

Sounds as stubborn as you are.

LIAM

What?

PAIGE (V.O.)

I said, why wouldn’t he want to get better?

LIAM

Nice save. His leg got mangled in a car accident. He was in the driver’s seat, his wife was in the passenger’s.

PAIGE (V.O.)

Oh no.

LIAM

Yeah.

PAIGE (V.O.)

Was it his fault?

LIAM

I don’t think it matters. He blames himself.

PAIGE (V.O.)

He’s been assigned a trauma counselor, right? Is he talking to them?

LIAM

Knowing him, he’s convinced them that he’s over this little speedbump. Hell, he probably tells himself he is.

PAIGE (V.O.)

And that leaves you.

Liam crosses one last street. Suzie’s Bar & Grill looks like it’s being eaten by the larger businesses on either side. Its parking lot is half-full, a mustang rubbing up against motorcycles and rusted-out pick-ups. On a sign: Home to the World-Famous Bar-B-Burger.

 

LIAM

Well–

PAIGE (V.O.)

You’re not Spider-Man, you know. Swinging around saving everyone.

LIAM

I always thought Superman was cooler.

PAIGE (V.O.)

You were wrong. Look, if you’re sure about this, tell someone. Make sure it gets back to the psychiatrist. But it’s not your job to fix his brain.

LIAM

I’ll just tell them my wife sent me.

PAIGE (V.O.)

What was that?

LIAM

I said, you’re right.

PAIGE (V.O.)

Nice save!

LIAM

No, you’re right. My job is to fix his leg.

PAIGE (V.O.)

My sweet man.

LIAM

I know, total sweetheart! Worried about this poor guy with a dead wife.

PAIGE (V.O.)

I was being serious! Some guys just go to work, punch in, punch out, go home. You care about people. That’s why I love you.

LIAM

Just one reason?

PAIGE (V.O.)

Goof.

LIAM

I love you.

PAIGE (V.O.)

I love you!

LIAM

I’m here. Talk to you when I get home.

PAIGE (V.O.)

See you then! Have a good day.

LIAM

You, too. Bye.

Liam ends the call, but he doesn’t go inside. Instead, he checks his messages. A C.U. reveals an already-read message from RON, from 8:30 a.m.

 

RON (TEXT)

Meeting tonight? Call me.

 

Liam calls Ron, looking as if it’s the last thing he wants to do.

 

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Sorry! I meant to have everything until he gets into the diner as one post, but this topped five pages and reached a pretty natural stopping point. I have a good idea of what’s coming next, so hopefully I’ll have the next part done within the week.

A few things you might have noticed.

I have Liam talk to his wife about a patient. According to what I found, as long as they don’t provide identifying information, a healthcare professional can talk about a case. I tried to avoid him giving away information without it being an awkward conversation.

You might also notice that the Diner is no longer a diner. Talking with a friend, I decided that a Bar & Grill would fit better thematically (and allow for a plot point later!). The Diner was such a snappy name, too. I’m keeping it for the project name, even though it’s obsolete.

The person in a blue jacket? I wonder who that could be.

The Diner: Post Nine (Scene One)

Now that I’m actually going to start the screenplay, the form of these posts are going to be a bit weird. I think I’m going to have each post start with my intended purposes for the next few pages of screenplay, followed by a first draft, and ending with my thoughts on what I succeeded/failed at in that draft.

This is going to be a first draft. Unpolished, full of plot holes and contrivances despite my best efforts. I’m likely to state what I plan on doing and then immediately fail. But hopefully this will give you some idea of what my process is like.

I don’t have time to do the hours of research I might need. So you’ll see some vague language and even some flat-out errors that I would correct in later drafts. For instance, just to start us off, I’m aping screenplay format as seen in some of my favorite dialogue-heavy scripts (The Dark Knight, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, anything by Tarantino), but I don’t actually know much about the format and will probably get an absurd amount wrong.

Things I need to accomplish in the first five or so pages: Introduce the main character. Establish his job. Try to hint at the past he hides. Establish the tone.

That just might be manageable, but I’ve spent my whole career getting good at communicating exposition through narrative. Only having prose is going to make things tricky. I guess we’ll find out how well I do!

——————————————————

 

INT. OUTPATIENT REHAB – DAY

TED, silver-haired and gnarled, struggles across parallel bars, favoring his brace-covered left leg. About two-thirds across, duct tape makes a mark on the floor. LIAM stands just beyond the tape. Liam is what you’d expect: fit, khakis, polo, tennis shoes, neat hair, shaved face. The wrinkles in his clothes, bags under his eyes, and grey sprinkled into his dark hair show at the first close-up.

TED

If I have to do this one more time…

LIAM

You know when you can quit.

TED

Once I think of a good place to hide your body.

LIAM

You’d have to catch me to kill me.

TED

Are you making fun of the cripple? You suck at your job.

LIAM

I’m offering motivation. Your leg’s dragging; let’s keep it up.

TED

(Short of breath)

Shit!

LIAM

You’re almost to me. Get this far, and we’ll call it a day.

 

A SIDE-ON CAMERA ANGLE – Ted is barely halfway to the line and Liam.

TED

You moved the line, didn’t you? Cheater.

 

Ted’s hand SLIPS and he stumbles forward a step, lands hard on his left leg. Liam rushes forward and catches him before he can fall.

 

LIAM

How many times do I have to tell you not to come in drunk?

TED

Didn’t even get to the “touch your nose” part. I might do better with the alphabet, though.

 

Liam helps Ted to the end of the bars, helps turn him, helps him sit in the wheelchair waiting for him. Liam sits in a nearby chair.

 

LIAM

What’s going on, Ted? You’re doing the stretches at home, right?

TED

All twenty of them, five times a day.

LIAM

So you might have missed a few?

TED

What’s the point?

LIAM

Well, some of them are to keep the flexibility up, and others–

TED

What’s the damn point? I’m never going to get out of this chair. I’m not even getting better anymore.

 

Ted indicates the tape on the floor.

 

LIAM

You might not.

TED

(beat)

Why would you tell me that? Even if it’s true? Especially if it’s true? Aren’t you supposed to keep me hopeful–that I’ll be playing tennis in six months? The hell is wrong with you?

LIAM

It’s not my job to lie to you. Maybe you’ll never recover. Maybe this is the farthest you’ll ever walk again.

 

Liam gestures to the parallel bars.

 

LIAM

If you quit, you know EXACTLY what’s in your future. You don’t have to wonder. That makes it really easy to quit. That’s why I can’t give you hope. You have to decide if you’re willing to risk it.

TED

If I quit I’d never have to see you again.

LIAM

Like I said, quitting is easy. Are we done for the day?

TED

(Reluctant)

No. Wheel me back around.

 

Liam smiles.

 

————————————————————-

How did I do?

I feel I established most of what I needed to in the first scene. Who our main character is, what his job is, what the tone is. We see him convince someone to hang on to hope, touching on some of our themes. I establish that we’re going to touch on some serious matters, and that this story is going to be character-driven. But I put banter in as a way of lightening the mood, something I’m going to try to do to some degree throughout the piece.

On the other hand, I didn’t quite manage some things. I didn’t hint at his past other than some visual cues that he might not be as perfect as he seems. I’ll have to work in the first real clues in the next scene or two. In addition, Liam’s monologue is a bit heavy-handed. After a few passes, that’s the best I’ve got for now. Obvious, but it does what we need for the characters.

How do you think I did?

Next part will be a bit longer, unpacking the rest of the starting state for Liam. There’s a lot more we need to do before we get to the diner!

The Diner: Post Eight (Outline)

The last part was all about the ending. This part is developing an outline to get there effectively.

I’m going to use 7-Point Story Structure. Here’s a link to an article explaining it wonderfully: http://www.critiquecircle.com/blog.asp?blogID=280

HOOK

Liam is a physical therapist, currently helping someone who’s nearly given up hope for recovery. In the process of encouraging the patient, he sidesteps questions about his past. He goes out to lunch.

PLOT TURN ONE

Teresa sits down on the other side of the table. She flashes a gun and says she’ll kill Liam at the end of the lunch hour. 12:00

PINCH ONE

After establishing this isn’t mistaken identity, Teresa starts small talk. She takes his phone after an ill-made attempt to call for help. 12:10 p.m.

MIDPOINT

Teresa’s questions get more personal. He starts to suspect red herring. He has a chance to grab the gun, but chickens out. He sends a message somehow; waiter knows he’s hostage. 12:30

PINCH TWO

The cook and waiter try to stop Teresa, and she takes them hostage as well. ( The cook had a gun behind the counter. Teresa shoots the cook non-fatally; the gun falls not far out of Liam’s reach.) The rest of the diner evacuates. Teresa also shoots down red herring. She lets/makes Liam call his family and say goodbye. 12:55

PLOT TURN TWO

Teresa reveals why she’s doing this. Mystery resolved. He grieves with her. He starts talking about memories with her loved one, and she breaks down. She grows angry. She insists it’s his fault. (However, him empathizing with her, confronting the past, makes her unable to hate him; she can’t kill him.) Time’s up. 1:00 p.m.

RESOLUTION

Teresa takes waiter hostage, makes Liam pick up cook’s gun. Liam kills Teresa to save the waiter. Changed by this experience, he goes back to make peace with his past.

This is just an initial outline, and it’s likely to change. But for right now, it’s enough of a foundation to start on. That means that the next part will be starting the actual screenplay! The first few pages (the first scene, in particular) is next.

Do you have any questions about the outline? What do you think about how it’s shaping up so far?

The Diner: Post Seven (Brainstorming the Ending)

Okay, I lied. I realized that figuring out a solid ending is going to take a post all its own. This is the place for it, so that we can outline backward from the end.

Let’s start at the end, as is proper. What does the climax to look like? What do I want the hero’s end state to look like?

Ugh. You know what? I’m tired of dancing around the main character not having a name. So I’m going to jump to Google, and search popular baby names around the time that he would have been born. Scrolling halfway down, I find Liam. There are a couple of actors with the name, but it’s not something I see in fiction much, so why not? I’d like to pretend my process is more complex, but that will do for now. Similarly, let’s call our villain Teresa.

There are really only four answers to this multiple choice question. A) Liam dies. B) Teresa dies. C) Both die. Or D) Neither die.

I’m telling a story revolving around a mystery between two characters. If both characters involved die, the mystery didn’t matter. So C is out. I put serious thought into saving them both, but I feel that I’d be breaking a core promise of the premise if no one died at the end of the lunch hour. Option D is out.

Now we have to ask: What tells the better story? A, or B? A, or B? Sorry, couldn’t resist. I think option B is much more traditional. Predictable, even. Hero lives, villain dies. It might still be seen as breaking the promise to the audience. But to be honest, I feel that our characters and themes demand option B. If Teresa lives, then what? Are we adapting a Cormac McCarthy story, where the meaninglessness and the lack of resolution is the point?

Teresa’s entire character is built around having no future left. What would happen if she lived through the lunch hour? I suspect that she’d commit suicide off-screen rather than be taken in by police. I’m not that nihilistic. I’d rather fall into saccharine than be needlessly bleak. And besides, that means that choosing option A is also choosing option C.

Liam also has the potential for meaningful character growth. He’s the one that can take away something from this incident.

Teresa dies, then. But how?

She could kill herself when she realizes that she doesn’t hate Liam anymore. Her hatred was all that gave her something to live for, and we’ve established that it’s likely she will ultimately self-destruct. But that strips away all agency from Liam. Liam has gone through the whole movie to get here. As the main character, his actions should determine where this ends.

Liam kills Teresa.

There are a couple of problems with that. First, Liam is unarmed while Teresa has him at gunpoint for the entire movie. We can write around that; he got her gun, he hid a knife, etc. But the core problem is, why? He could kill her to defend himself. But we’ve established throughout the entire story that he’s trying to save her, to save them both. It might be within his character to kill her in a selfish bid to save himself–depending on whether you believe people are capable of real change–but that would mean that he’s rejected the entire point of what’s happening and turns the story back to pointlessness.

Here’s where setting comes in. If Liam is a regular, then we’ve gotten small talk between him and employees at the diner at the very beginning of the movie. Assuming that the hostage situation isn’t revealed for a while, we get to know at least the waiter through a few more interactions. Teresa could take said waiter hostage (side note: If the waiter is a hostage for the climax, let’s make him a guy to shake up a stale plot element), and force Liam to choose.

This does a few things. Some good, some bad.

First, the bad. If handled poorly, it can feel like a cop out. Sure, make the villain cross a moral line she hadn’t been willing to for the rest of the movie, all so we won’t feel too bad about the hero killing her. So we have to establish that she’s willing to do this at some point. Or maybe make it clear to the audience (but not to Liam) that she’s bluffing.

Now, the good. Liam has been running in the name of self-preservation for the entire story. He’s just learned that his inaction might have cost two lives, and set these whole events into motion. Liam taking action could be the culmination of his entire character arc, and could realistically lead him to being a better person at the end of the film than at the beginning.

If we make the waiter young, teens/early twenties, in college or something, this last choice could represent both of the important choices made throughout the film. The kid is potential. You know, children are the future.

Sorry. I think I threw up in my mouth a little. Liam kills Teresa to save the waiter. It’s tragic, everyone cries, but Liam walks away changed for the better. Maybe even get a denouement where he checks to see if his druggie friend way back when actually died and tries to make amends. He’s fully accepted his past, and can truly move on, instead of only pretending to.

Now that we have the ending, the next part can start to build an outline. Sorry for pushing it back one post. I know that outlining is almost as interesting as showing your math.